Even On Broken Pieces

It Belongs To You by Deitrick Haddon

It was in August of 2002 when I was married at the time that we found out we were pregnant. We were sooo excited because we were trying to have a child, but yet in the midst of what should have been a happy moment I had this unsettling feeling that I wasn’t going to carry this baby to full term. I tried to avoid what I was feeling from within and still carry the mask of happiness when inside I was worried and afraid of “what if?” A month later I started bleeding which only confirmed what I was feeling. We went to the hospital and I had taken all the necessary test to confirm that I was having a miscarriage. And if that wasn’t bad enough they wanted me to have the rest of the miscarriage at home. I can’t even began to explain to you what I was feeling at that time. Later that evening I was in the bathroom still crying and for a moment I lost it as I took the glass and threw it up against the door. As I watched the shattered pieces fall on the ground I began to scream and ask God why did he do this to me. I was angry with God and the fact that I was home by myself. Days later when I came to I realized God was really protecting me. What if something was wrong with the baby, would I be able to handle that? I realized it just wasn’t time. Even though I trusted God, over a period of time I began to build more walls because I never let go of the fact that I was home alone. As women we have this natural habit of feeling like we have got to handle it all. Probably because somewhere in our childhood we had to defend ourselves, in our marriages, relationships, raising our kids even though the men were present yet they were absent. So when things happen we go in defensive mode, we build up walls and shields in thinking we are protecting ourselves when in yet we are hurting ourselves. It is in our brokenness that we can be restored, we can be healed and be made whole. It doesn’t mean that we are weak, but that we are still in need of him. He can’t help us if we are still trying to handle it all. He says come to me all ye who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. He never told us to bear it but to cast all of our cares upon him for he careth for thee. God will take all the broken pieces of ours lives and make us whole again, but we have to give him every broken piece.#CLEANTHISHOUSE

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