forgiveness | NEW LIFE

Ephesians 4:32

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you”

I didn’t realize until I was going through my divorce that I had allowed the root of unforgiveness to settle within my heart. I never knew the extent that unforgiveness could cause until I became so sick of myself in desperate need and the want to change. I realized I could no longer go the direction that I was going and had to take back control over my life. As I sought God in where I had gone wrong with a sincere and humble heart in my moment of soul searching God started revealing to me not so much of others or the things that accured in my life, but about me. Change doesn’t begin with others, but with in ourselves. The biggest thing that I realized was the unforgiveness I had against my father that stemmed all the way down to my childhood and because a lot of the issues that were unresolved then resulted into dysfunctions as I became older. Daughters are always known to be “Daddy’s Little Girls” and from them we look for leadership, guiadance, applause, opinions, nurturing and their approval. There were a lot of things that I should have received from him growing up and my lack of those things resulted me looking for them in other people and things which in most cases unknowingly caused me to build unhealthy relationships and soul ties. Now don’t get me wrong my daddy loves his girls, he is a hard working man, is smart as a whip and he always provided for us , but when one is broken and you never got the things yourself as a child to prepare you to be a father or even a man it presents some of the same cycles that occurred in your childhood if not worse and not recognized. I looked for him to give me what he was incapable of giving me and rejected what he could. There are so many things that you should be taught growing up, but because of the dysfunctions of others you unfortunately learn them through your own mistakes in life. When God revealed to me of my unforgiveness and where it came from I had the option to either deal with it, let it go and grow from it or I could hold onto it and continue in the cycle that I was in. When I sincerely forgave my father it was a trickle effect in my life from not only him, but others. This was a major turning point and life changing experience for me. And when I chose to forgive him I had a feeling of freedom and peace that I had never experienced in my life before. It unlocked so many things not only about me, but it was an eye opener that changed my life forever. So now I’ll try to do whatever it takes to remain in that place of freedom and peace. Although there are still areas in my life that God is revealing and healing me from I refuse to allow myself to go back in that place of bondage. In order for me to do so I have to continue to trust and depend on God and continue to take those things to the cross. In my own strength I can’t, but through him I can do all things. And just as God has continually forgiven me of my wrong so do I have to do for others.

I was reflecting back to when I was working in Home Care as an Administrator about 5 years ago and thanking God for where he has brought me from. Although I know that I have a lot more growing to do what a difference a couple of years can make. You never realize how far you’ve come until you look back. That was a time in my life I hated change so much that it would literally make me cringe. I had what you would probably call “a tunnel vision” There was only one way which was mine and I was comfortable with where I was. If it didn’t make sense to me or if I didn’t feel it in my spirit I wasn’t ok with changing and didn’t really care who knew it. Even though I was good at what I did because I was so blinded by the truth of what was really going on inside of me I was not only hurting others around me, but I was slowly over all killing me. “A Mess” Though not everyone saw me in that light and even when I tell others of my experiences they doubt my stories because of who they know me to be now. I started not to like the person that I was becoming and began to do some soul searching. As the Lord dealt with me I realized that up until that point I had gone through so many changes and transitions in my life I began to resist any type of change. Overtime I began to build up walls of anger that became resentment, that turned into bitterness and unforgiveness. Most of the things that I had experienced in my life weren’t all goo

d. Matter of fact they were very painful. In most cases I wasn’t given an option nor much of a way out. The greatest thing that happened to me though was the moment when I learned the power of forgiveness. As the Lord began to change the process of my thoughts than my perspective began to change. It changed my life forever. Then as I began to see the fruits of it, that even when things happen that are beyond my control or they don’t turn out the way that I had planned because my perspective has changed I am able to get through it. I know that whatever God allows to happen in my life is all working together for a greater purpose and for his glory. God sometimes allows things to happen in our lives because he knows what it will take to get us to make the necessary changes that he needs for us to make and sometimes it’s just to save our lives. Everything that has happened in my life no matter how painful it has been, it pushed me to become better and because I made and continue to make the necessary changes within my life I am able to move forward. Change is inevitable. Change your mindset and your posture will follow.