Tag Archives: insecurities

I Didn’t Know My Own Strength

As I was taking my girls to school the other morning, I was talking to them about the opportunities they have available to get their homework done instead of waiting until they get home.  I mentioned the ride on the bus and one of my girls said no because I might loose my paperwork and then she went on to say that they might rip up my paper. Some of those people on that bus are mean.  We then started talking about bullies. She agreed with what I had said and how they had just talked about that in class the day before. Bullies only have power because they prey on those that they think are weak and innocent. Their need of power and control is because of their own insecurities and weaknesses. In their own eyes they really see us as giants and themselves the size of a grasshopper which is intimidating, but in our own inabilities to recognize our own strength then are they able to gain control. Superman’s greatest moment wasn’t in the fact that he was faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but the moment in which the kryptonite no longer had control over him. People and things gain control over us when we don’t know who we are and what we possess.  Proverbs 23:7 “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee” Bullying is a learned behavior and if that behavior is not addressed at an early age as an adult it turns into a great power of manipulations and control which we know is a form of witchcraft. It is sad to say, but bullies don’t just exist on the school ground, but they can be our church leaders, our spouses, our bosses, our family members, etc. and some don’t even realize what they are being controlled by. I am sure that in all of our lives at some point or another that we have walked in fear of these. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, power and of a sound mind” Fear is not from God, but a work of the flesh and we don’t have to walk or live under that. You have the power to overcome anything with the help of the Lord. What is in you is greater than the force on the outside of you. The moment you can realize your own strength they become weak, helpless, powerless and loose all control over you. No one should EVER have that much power and control over you, but God.  Romans 8:31 “What shall we then say to these things? If God is for us, who is against” There is a greater power that lives on the inside of you. You’re much stronger than you think.

Part Of The Outcast

Everytime me and my girls are out we always seem to run into someone that I may know. They always ask me that questions, “Dang, moma do you know everybody in the whole wide world” Laughing, No I don’t know everybody I just know a lot of people.  They are so fascinated by how many people I know which in their eyes it seems like millions of people has them asking a series of questions like how do I know them, where did I meet them, how often do I talk to them, etc. They want to know the whole history in detail.  Growing up I was very activite in sports and activities within my school, very involved within my church and community, but  I never saw myself as one of the popular ones. I knew that I was well loved within my family, my church, among my friends and my piers, but yet I still felt like there was something missing and feeling this need to fit in. I always felt like I was an outcast and could never fit in with the one’s who were part of what I considered the “popular club” or shall we say the click. I always thought something was wrong with me and would try to do stuff just to fit in. I was so disperately  trying to fit in that it would bring me out of my character that people would even notice. The few times that I went to a party or a club the 1st thing that was asked of me was, “What are you doing here” People would even question what I was doing because they knew I didn’t fit in, that just wasn’t me and I didn’t belong. It had gotten so bad as my need to just fit in or somehow belong that when I would look in the mirror I didn’t even know or like the person that I would see. Through the years I allowed it to build insecurities and eventually lost who I was. I lost an identity that I really wasn’t sure of from the beginning. I have made a lot of bad choices, wrong decisions and have made a lot of mistakes, but the one thing that I was sure of is that I loved God more than anything.  Now as I talk to others and  finding out some truths about back then that being  a part of the in crowd wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. So I appreciate it more now than I did then that I wasn’t a part of the in crowd, but part of the out cast. Truth be told though I have experienced a lot in my life time it has that keep me from so much more. Through God’s love for me and finding out who I really am through him he is rebuilding my self-esteem, myself image of how I have viewed myself, my self worth and healing all those areas where I was broken and have been damaged, my places of insecurities he is making them secure again. Though as painful as it has been I am grateful for who I am becoming, the woman he has always called me to be. If you are wondering why you have never fit in, it is because leaders stand out and don’t fit into the mold of what others think that they should be. “You are wonderfully and fearfully made” Psalm 139:14 Until you know who you are in Christ Jesus you will spend a life time trying to fit in a place you were never meant to fit in and pleasing people who have never had your best interest at heart.  God has called you to stand out and YOU have to be ok with who God has called you to be regardless if others aren’t.  Chosen, called out, set a part, and different. For once in my life I finally know who I am and I love the person that I see when I look in the mirror. Though the roll to lead gets lonely and can be cumbersome at times, greater is your reward when you follow God’s lead.