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Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Lost In You Again by Fred Hammomd

It wasn’t until I was in my late 30’s as I looked back over my life that I realized how much of me I had given away to the point that I no longer knew who I was. Most of my life I was searching for love or my idea of what I thought love was, but only to come up empty-handed and in most cases heartbroken with a life full of pain. I held high expectations of my father that was beyond what he was able to give me. I didn’t realize it then but he loved me based on what his perspective of love was and what he had been taught. Because my father was unable to give me what I thought I needed it put me into years of built up walls, anger, resentment, unhealthy and ungodly relationships. Over the course of my life on the outside I appeared as if everything was ok and carried myself as such, but on the inside I was breaking down. I looked for my daddy to take me out on a date, to go to a daddy/daughter dance, for it to be just me and my daddy. I still as an adult looked to hear his approval of me.So because I didn’t receive the love I taught I should have received from my father then I searched for it in other men in hoping that they would give me the love I needed. I was going from relationship to relationship and every time I gave of myself to someone who didn’t deserve that part of me I was loosing who I was. I ended in some relationships and situations that left me like the woman with the issue of blood an outcast, considered unclean. About time I realized it I was broken, damaged goods in need of a healer. It wasn’t another man or my father, but only Jesus Christ could heal me. It is never to late to be restored, to be mended, to be healed, but you have to go to the source which is Jesus Christ. After my divorce as I began to pick up the pieces of my life I did some soul-searching and that was when I realized that my biggest part of looking for love in all the wrong places is because I didn’t know what true love was. When I began to seek God with all my heart He began to show me what true love really was which taught me how to love myself and to be able to give and receive love. I had to take down my high expectations that no one would be able to reach and loving people for who they are and the level that they are on. Unconditional love which is the same love God has for us has no expectations. Sometimes we put people in the place of where God is meant to be. When we love God he will teach us how to love and when we love who we are we want to have to search for it, it will come and find us. #CLEANTHISHOUSE