Tag Archives: PAIN

Breaking Ground

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means that the damage no longer controls our lives”

Akshay Dubey

The other morning, I was working on my back yard, as I am preparing the ground to build my patio. I was trying to get some things done before this next rain comes. For anyone who has never done landscaping work, that tilling is not no joke and especially when you are doing it alone. It is hard, it takes a lot of time and energy. After you till the ground you must level it out and shovel away the access dirt. Depending on the territory this could be a long process

I am using my neighbors’ tiller and it ran out of gas. He was away, until that evening which is when the rain was supposed to come. I am the type of person, if I am trying to get something done, I will find another way around the roadblocks. I was doing fine until I came across another roadblock. I knew it was a rock because they are all in my yard. I was not expecting to pull out those two huge rocks. Boy did that take a lot out of me. They were so embedded in the ground and became a blockage for me. I had to use a shovel to dig around them just to get it them out.

As it is in the natural, so it is in the spirit…

“There is a void that only God can fill”

When I had finally got those out, I begin to feel the emotions coming. I heard the Lord say, “Sometimes the pain is so big that it leaves a hole, but you will heal” I went and sat down and broke down, like ugly cry break down, which was what I needed. It was a sign of release and I felt every bit of it.

I went back to patch up the hole and noticed I was not finished. As I looked closer, I saw that there was another rock. I pulled out some baby rocks a long with two more big rocks, which made the hole even bigger.  After that I did not have the energy, nor the strength to even continue.

That is what we sometimes experience when we go through trauma, experience heart ache and pain. Those things can become roadblocks or hindrances in our life that can cause our lives to be delayed. Delays are not always from the enemy or even from God. Sometimes we are our greatest enemy. We can be the very cause of our delay.

“Is there anything to hard for the Lord”
Genesis 18:14

I tried to see if I could patch up the hole again, because I needed to level the ground. The healing process can take years. In midst of our hurt, trauma and pain if we don’t continue the healing process, in our need for a quick fix we will turn to other things or other people to self-medicate the pain, which makes the hole even deeper. There is a void that only God can heal.

A blockage is an obstruction that makes movement or flow difficult or impossible. Once that blockage is removed it causes there to be a constant flow. When you can remove the roadblocks, barriers and rocks from your life just think how much more you will be able to flow, how much more you will be able to grow.

This is not going to be an easy process, but it will be worth it. Do not ignore it, feel it, take it in, allow him to do the surgery and allow him to fill the hole with his healing balm.

“Don’t rush the process, but don’t overextend your stay”

Commit to the process.. 

My prayer for you today is that you would allow God to complete the work in you during this season. That you would be honest enough and vulnerable enough so that he can completely heal you from any past traumas, hurts and pain that is still lingering.


He’ll Take The Pain Away by Kirk Franklin


“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statues”
Psalm 119:71

Already at the beginning of this a New Year most of us if not all of us have already experienced some type of loss, hurt, pain, betrayal, and disappointment. With extreme anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and fear.

By the end of January people were ready to give up and throw in the towel. I had seen post that said, “Thank you January for a good year.” Because of the magnitude of their afflictions, they have already counted out the rest of the year.

Today’s Word

suffering, distress, pain, trouble, misery, hardship, misfortune, adversity, sorrow, torment, anguish, grief

“We are troubled on every side, yet not destressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken, cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body”

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

In life we will experience things coming from all different directions and sometimes several things all at once, yet God will give us peace even during our storm. Life happens to us all and there are somethings that will throw us for a loop, have us scratching our head, baffled, puzzled, and confused. But because our hope and our faith lie in Jesus Christ, we don’t become desperate, thirsty and hungry after the wrong things.

Have you ever been talked about, lie on, cheated, used, and abused, but when you look around God was still there? He promised that he would never leave us nor forsake us, and He is always true to his word. Even in times when things are not going well in your life know that God has not forgotten about you. Though we are tossed to and fro, thrown away, disregarded, and rejected, I find the strength to push through because I know though the weapons may form, they want to prosper.

As Jesus hung on the cross, he had a moment where He questioned God, but he said not my will, but thine will be done. He said, “IT IS FINISHED”, hung his head and gave up the Ghost. Now as a believer we have to walk out the finish work on the Cross. So, in the end we still win. God will complete the work that he has started in us, but we must participate in the plan that he has for our lives.


Despite our afflictions when we trust in Jesus Christ, we are able to overcome and conquer the very things that should have taken us out. Through these scriptures I found encouragement and strength of some of the things that I will experience even while going through, if I faint not.

Psalms 34:19 Deliverance
2 Corinthians 12:9 Grace
1 Corinthians 10:13 Way of escape
Romans 8:18 His Glory revealed
Roman’s 5:3-4 Patience, Experience & Hope
Philipians 4:13 I can
James 5:11 Mercy
Psalms 22:24 Continual Praise
John 16:33 Peace

So why in the world would a God want us to go through affliction?


When David the Psalmist talked about “it was good for me that I have been afflicted” he was referencing to the fact of the change that it was rearing within him. No, it did not feel good, no he didn’t like it, nor appreciated it initially, but yet it allowed him to know God in a different way.

There were 3 continual prayers throughout David’s journey which were:

1. Psalms 119:11 “Thy word have I hid in my mine heart, that I might not sin against thee”
In order for God’s word to be hidden in his heart, meant he had to learn it, study it, meditate, contemplate, ponder, consider, reflect, digest on it day and night. Because of his love for God, his desire more than anything in the world was to know him and to please him by keeping his commandments.

2. Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path”
Through God’s word it will give us clarity, direction, a guide and a light even when the path seems dark. In Psalm 23 it talks about the Lord being a shepherd, so even if you were to get off the path his word will be like a GPS system and put us back on track. We must be willing to follow his direction and his plan for our life even when we don’t understand, or the way seems is unsure.

3. Psalms 119:133 “Order my steps in Your Word: And let not any iniquity have dominion over me”
He wanted God’s word to guide him, to align him and to not allow anyone’s wicked, sinful, evil, scandalist, unjust, and unfair actions of man to overtake him.


It is through the pressing together that the oil in your life is manifested. So, when you feel the pressure or the fire might intensify, it is because God is pruning and refining you into something greater. Do not be overcome but overcome through Christ Jesus.

Song List

I am who I am today
Because God used my mistakes
He worked it for my good
Like no one else ever could
God told me to tell

Necessary by Fantasia & Dennis Reed

The Value of Life


They always say that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. What one person see’s value in another person may not see the same; therefore, is easily disregarded.  When I look at the things that are going on in this world it can be a little disharding and painful as there is little regard for God let alone someone’s else life.  Mark 12:31  “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these” It is hard to love your neighbor when you don’t love yourself. They say love will make you do some crazy things, but what kinda of love is it that makes you come out of character and loose yourself enough to bring harm to others.  Is it really love?  Love should not make you hurt someone else let alone kill them.  Killing isn’t always physical. God knows we do enough damage with our tongue. If you have no love for others then you don’t love yourself. 2 Timothy 4:3 “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;”  I believe that we are in the end times and the saying “it may get worse before it gets better” is going to hold true, yet I still believe. You may ask how can I believe with what I see? Faith allows me to look with another set of eyes that looks past the things I can see in the natural and that gives me hope. There are so many levels and reasons why people do what they do, but it is very clear that it’s root is the value of one’s life. When you don’t love and value who you are then neither will you love and value the life of someone else. You spend you’re life trying to find it through other people who’s concept of love is already distorted. That in itself is enough to make you crazy. How can one love and value who they are if they don’t even know? The good news is your worth isn’t wrapped up in other people. Through the word of God you can find out exactly who and whose you are and the true meaning of love. 1 Peter 2:9 “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;” When we mirror ourselves after the image of God then and only then will we truly know who we are. You only decrease in value when you don’t know your worth. Knowing who you are is EVERYTHING!


Early today I took the girls to the Biltmore House to see the farm animals and when we got around to the goats there was one with a cast on it’s leg. My first response was Awe look at the goat and began to feel sorry for it, but there was something on the inside of me that kept saying  “Get Up”. I waited around a little to see if he would get up or does he normally just stay in that one spot. One of the workers went in to try and get one of the goats so that the kids could see them up close.  Sure enough the goat got up and left. Though it had a limp he didn’t allow it to make him stay where he was. Now no telling how long he has been in a cast and I’m sure he had to learn how to walk all over again, but the fact that he got up proves to me that he kept trying until he was able to do it on his own. There are so many things that can happen in life and if we aren’t careful we will allow it to cripple us to the point that we want get up and move forward. We will make all kind of excuses why we can’t or why we won’t. My question to you is why not? If at first you don’t succeed dust yourself off and try again. I know that it hurts and yes I know how unbarrable it can become, but YOU ARE WORTH IT to try again. You have been given life and an opportunity that some others may never get the chance or opportunity again. Despite your disability don’t allow it to keep you from moving forward. It was through my pain that I found strength and courage. It was through my strength and courage that unlocked my faith that lied from within. No matter how many times I got nocked down or I messed up there was something from within that kept pushing me to get back up again. If a goat can get back up again then what’s your excuse. GET UP!!!

The Testimony of My Scars

I had just finished cooking dinner and as we were getting ready to sit down to eat all of a sudden I hear this cry. I looked up and it  was my baby girl who instead of coming to tell me what was wrong she tried to go upstairs to take care of it. I immediately asked her what was wrong? Her sister said that she had cut her finger and you need to see it.  I asked her to let me take a look at it and when she had pulled back the paper towel it was more than I could have ever imagined. There was blood coming from the finger she had cut and it looked as if she had taken a big chunk out of it.  I asked her what happened and she said that she was trying to cut open her icy that she had made. I didn’t hesitate with what to do. I wrapped it back up and said let’s go, we are going to the emergency room because I already knew she would have to have stitches.  I was trying to make sure everyone stayed calm including me, although on the inside my heart was beating fast because that is my daughter and I don’t like to see when my children are hurt and they are suffering.  I had them to take their dinner with them so they could eat it along the way.  Of course my baby girl was still crying, but I kept trying to reassure her that she was going to be ok. I would hug her tight whenever I had the chance.  As we were on the way I noticed it was a little after 7:00 and thought about my Doctors office which was still open. I decided to call and to see if they would be able to work her in so we wouldn’t have to go to the ER and sit their for hours.  They said that they would see her and take a look at it.  We got there and after they looked at it said that they were going to be to able to fix her up. As I had thought she was going to have to get at least 4 stitches. Of course she was not happy about that, but the Doctor reassured her that she was going to be ok.  She talked her through every process and even let her pick out her own color stitches. The hardest part was that they were going to have to stick a needle in her wound to numb it. Not just once, but 3 times. She immediately started crying even harder because she has never been able to handle needles. The Doctor kept reassuring her and I told her I was right there and she could squeeze my hand. Each time the Doctor put in the needle I held her tight and told her to squeeze my hand as she let out a big scream and cried. She burried her head into my chest and I looked straight up to the ceiling.  Now that was tough. All I could see was blood and a swollen finger and I kept praying.  The last thing I needed to do was pass out. The worst part of it was over and it was now time to put the stitches in.  The Doctor began to talk to her about the next progress. She told her because she had a very clean cut they wouldn’t have to do any special repairs, that it would heal up just fine and that it wouldn’t take long.  You might say well

what happen to her sister during this time? She decided to wait outside because she couldn’t bear to see her in pain. She would periodically come in and check on her and right back out the door she went. It was finally over and the Doctor gave us instructions on how to keep it clean and when she needed to come back to have the stitches removed. We told her how proud we were of her because she really did good. I explained to her on the way home that she didn’t ever need to try to hide what she had done  because it was an accident, it could have gotten infected which would have made it worst.  They say that in time all wounds heal. You can normally tell by the type of cut what kind of scar it will leave, although there are some cuts that will leave an internal scar that can’t be seen from the outside. We tend to hide our scars out of fear of what others may think, embarrassment or the memory of how the scar even got there. No matter how ugly your scar it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It is what it is a scar and the scar(s) are only a testimony of the thing(s) that should have killed you, BUT yet you survived instead. We all have a story to tell and it is the tesimony of our scars that could help save someone else’s life.

Push Past The Pain

I was at the hospital getting ready to give birth to my first child. My plan was to try and have her natural with out any medication, but after 11 hours the pain began to increase and I could no longer stand it without some assistance. My sister had been begging for me to get some medicine for hours because she was afraid that I was going to go off on someone. Anyone who has given birth or witnessed someone giving birth knows that it is very intense. Although the medicine only helped subdue the pain and not alleviate
the pain it was better than nothing at all. It was getting closer to the time for me to get ready to deliver the baby. At this point in time I was ready to go, but I understood the reason why I had to wait. When it was time they said push. I had to quickly gather up every little ounce of strength that I had to help me push past the pain that I was experiencing at the moment. This didn’t feel good at all, but I kept my focus on the end result which was to deliver this baby. After the 1st push they told me not to push again until they told me to no matter how ready I thought that I was. They had to check and see where the baby was and didn’t want to put any extra stress on me or the baby. I found myself back in the waiting position again trying get through the pain. They said that they could see the baby’s head which meant that we were very closer to delivering a baby. The Doctor said on this next push we need you to give all that you have. When they said push I let out this tremendous scream because the pain was so great, but no matter how great the pain I had to push past it  in order for the baby to come out. I felt great relief as the pain was starting to subside and I heard her cry for the first time. Tears of joy came streaming down my face because of the end result of the pain that I had to push through was worth it. I have experienced and am experiencing something’s in my life that I am having to push through the pain. Some pain had been caused because I came out of my waiting position to soon thinking  that it was time or that I was ready. Although I was very close to what God had promised for me it wasn’t quiet time for me to proceed forward. A holding or waiting position is not a time where we are being punished, but where God is grooming us and preparing us for what is to come.  There are sometimes in life that we may not have caused the pain it may have been inflected upon us, but for everything that God allows there is a reason. It’s not meant to destroy us nor harm us although at the times it feels like it might. If you find yourself in the waiting position don’t move before it is time. If we go before our timing it can delay, abort or cause us to go through it again. Timing is everything. Maybe you are having to push past the pain. Not matter the intensity of your pain it is not the time to give up or give in. It is through the pain that God is producing great things through you and you want see the end result until you push past the pain.

You Can Begin Again

A little over a year now the Lord allowed me to build my very first home.  The process began in 7/2012.  I had just finalized my divorce in Oct/2011 that left me as a single parent to raise 3 kids living in a 2 bedroom apartment with very little room.  When I was presented with this opportunity to build the first thing I did was go pray about it and the Lord said, yes.  As a single mother I still had reservations, “Can I really do this”, but God said that I could so I moved forward.  They explained the process that we would have to go through in order to build the home and even though they explained the process in detail nothing prepared me for the experience that I would have to endure.  It wasn’t the fact of me just building one home, but building 6 from the ground up. Though the process was long and very painful I would question my decision as I found myself wanting to give up because at time it was unbearable, but I kept thinking about why I was doing it.  It was to be able to provide something better for my girls and it made me continue in the process. When the process was over and I was handed the keys to move into my new home it made me appreciate my experience after going through the process not only because of what I learned, but the end result was more than I could have ever imagined. In life there are processes that we have to endure that don’t feel good at all, but it is necessary for our making. Think of what you have become after going through what you have gone through. Imagine had I quit in the middle of the process of me building the homes and then trying to start over again. It wouldn’t have been as easy the second time around and it probably would have been much harder for me to endure the process. As the New Year begins I have realized that I don’t need a New Beginning. Simply take everything that I have experienced and everything that I have learned up until this point and us it as a foundation to BEGIN AGAIN right where I am. No matter how hurtful, how painful or how harsh it maybe you can use it for your advantage and turn your negatives into positives that will launch you further into your destiny. So my New Years Resolution is not to start a new or to start over but to simply BEGAN AGAIN

Can’t Touch This

Jesus You Are by April Nevels

Yesterday I was half way through getting my root canal done and I could start feeling some of the pain and the pressure of them working on my tooth. At this point my mouth had already been open for an hour. I could feel the numbing wearing off and some tingling through my face. I raised my hand so they would know I could feel the pain and they would need to apply more numbing medication. I have always considered myself to have a low tolerance of pain, but you never know how much pain you can endure until the pressure has been applied. It will really show you what you are made off. They would always ask how I was doing as pressure was being applied and encouraged me along the way to let me know how good I was doing. I had already formed a false perception on this visit due to my prior experience with having a root canal. Though the procedure was the same the technique was different. When they pulled out the nerve and the pulp they stood in amazement because it was very rare that they would see a nerve in one piece. Normally they come out in many pieces. They even took a picture of it because they just couldn’t believe what they saw. I am reminded of the passage in the bible Daniel 3 where Nebuchadnezer threw Shadrach, Meshach and
Abed-Nego in the fiery furnace because they refused to serve their God or bow down to the golden images. No matter how much they increased the fire they were untouched and when they came out the fourth person that was walking with them was the Son of God. God reminded me at that moment that no matter how hot the fire, how much it intensifies or how great the pain that He can and will bring you out unharmed. They say if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. No matter what you are facing if you continue to trust God and not bow down He will bring you out alright. Though you’ve been through the fire thank God you don’t look like what you’ve been through. #CLEANTHISHOUSE

Get To The Root Of It

God Restores by Darwin Hobbs

In November 2013 I was scheduled for a root canal. My tooth was becoming sensitive to things that were cold and then it broke off in between two of my teeth which added a great deal of pain. So I went to the dentist and they did an X-Ray on my tooth which showed that I had an infection that went all the way down to the root. They then told me that I would have to have a root canal. In doing so they would have to open the center of my tooth and pull out the nerve that would cause the pain to go away and stop any further damage. This would take up to 3 visits and 2 hours per visit. They wanted to 1st give me an antibiotic that would stop the infection. That in itself was going to be a challenge being that I don’t like to take medicine and will seldom finish it, but take it enough to where I thought it had cleared up. When they told me that I was going to have a root canal I immediately started to cringe because I reflected back to my last experience of having a root canal. Needless to say I reschedule it to the beginning of the year. I wished later that I would have went ahead and gone through with it because things didn’t get better they in fact became worst. I was hurting so bad that some days I would have pain that would radiate to my head that would cause me to have a headache. Until I dealt with the root of my problem I would continue to struggle with the pain. A lot of things that we are dealing with now were passed down through generation and until we are willing to trace it back to it’s root, where it began we will continue to struggle in that area of our lives. We can’t just cut it off at the stem because it will have tendency to grow back, but we must pull it up from the root. We have to 1. Recognize there is a problem 2. Where did it come from 3. Deal with it The more that you mask or cover up the symptom (s) the more imbedded they become. The longer and harder it sometimes becomes to be healed and delivered from it. Wilt thou be made whole? Pull it up from the root and walk in total victory. #CLEANTHISHOUSE

I’m In Recovery

Harvest Song by Anthony Brown

In 2004 at the age of 29 I had to to have a laparoscopic surgery because they thought that I might have endometriosis. For several yrs I dealt with abdominal pain, bursting cyst to where I couldn’t walk and the loss of a child. The doctors told me the end result which is that I may not ever be able to have anymore kids. Who’s report will you believe? I still was trusting in God in spite of the report. I had never had surgery before so I was a little afraid of being put to sleep and the flooding thoughts of what if’s begin to bombard my mind. As I was praying before surgery God told me to just say “yes”. At the time God was calling me into ministry to preach the Gospel and I was running from the call. I said, “yes” and He said, “It is well”. The surgery would consist of 4 incisions that would allow them take cameras inside to explore. The recovery time would take about 2-3 weeks and I would experience some minor pain. It was an outpatient procedure, so when I came to I was in a recovery room or holding area. They wanted to make sure that I was ok and that there where no complications after surgery. I vaguely could remember who I saw, but I could hear and recognize their voices. The thing I remembered the most was the amount of pain that I was in. It wasn’t minor at all. Before they released me they told me that everything went well, they went ahead and took out my appendix and that they found no trace of endometriosis. They went on to say that although they didn’t find anything doesn’t mean it’s not there. I knew that it was God that healed me. I am one who doesn’t tolerate pain very well, but I knew it was part of my recovery process due to the extent of my surgery. I think about the process and the time it make take for one to recover. Sometimes it can be very extensive and though the doctors give you a time frame it sometimes depends on the person. Though the beginning stages of recovery maybe painful it is not only necessary but there are great things birthed through pain. Despite their negative report of me not being able have anymore kids that following year the Lord blessed us to have 2. Joel 2:25 “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent before you” You may have lost a lot in times past, but the things that God is going to recover and restore in your life is greater than the things that you have lost. And we shall recover all. #CLEANTHISHOUSE