UNFORGIVENESS |

Ephesians 4:32

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you”

I didn’t realize until I was going through my divorce that I had allowed the root of unforgiveness to settle within my heart. I never knew the extent that unforgiveness could cause until I became so sick of myself in desperate need and the want to change. I realized I could no longer go the direction that I was going and had to take back control over my life. As I sought God in where I had gone wrong with a sincere and humble heart in my moment of soul searching God started revealing to me not so much of others or the things that accured in my life, but about me. Change doesn’t begin with others, but with in ourselves. The biggest thing that I realized was the unforgiveness I had against my father that stemmed all the way down to my childhood and because a lot of the issues that were unresolved then resulted into dysfunctions as I became older. Daughters are always known to be “Daddy’s Little Girls” and from them we look for leadership, guiadance, applause, opinions, nurturing and their approval. There were a lot of things that I should have received from him growing up and my lack of those things resulted me looking for them in other people and things which in most cases unknowingly caused me to build unhealthy relationships and soul ties. Now don’t get me wrong my daddy loves his girls, he is a hard working man, is smart as a whip and he always provided for us , but when one is broken and you never got the things yourself as a child to prepare you to be a father or even a man it presents some of the same cycles that occurred in your childhood if not worse and not recognized. I looked for him to give me what he was incapable of giving me and rejected what he could. There are so many things that you should be taught growing up, but because of the dysfunctions of others you unfortunately learn them through your own mistakes in life. When God revealed to me of my unforgiveness and where it came from I had the option to either deal with it, let it go and grow from it or I could hold onto it and continue in the cycle that I was in. When I sincerely forgave my father it was a trickle effect in my life from not only him, but others. This was a major turning point and life changing experience for me. And when I chose to forgive him I had a feeling of freedom and peace that I had never experienced in my life before. It unlocked so many things not only about me, but it was an eye opener that changed my life forever. So now I’ll try to do whatever it takes to remain in that place of freedom and peace. Although there are still areas in my life that God is revealing and healing me from I refuse to allow myself to go back in that place of bondage. In order for me to do so I have to continue to trust and depend on God and continue to take those things to the cross. In my own strength I can’t, but through him I can do all things. And just as God has continually forgiven me of my wrong so do I have to do for others.

A Heart That Forgives by Kevin Levar

At the end of my marriage as it started to spiral down hill I began to really seek the Lord with how we got here. The questions I asked him was 1. Where did we go wrong? 2. Where did I go wrong? His response to the 2nd question was that not only did you have unforgiveness against your husband but you had unforgiveness against your father which went all the way back to your childhood. Over a period of time because I never dealt with it when other things happened in my life and I didn’t know how to properly deal with them it only supressed them and began to poison me on the inside. My anger turned into resentment, into bitterness, into unforgiveness which began to manifest on the outside. I didn’t even like myself at times, but I didn’t know how to fix it, how do I fix me. Saved, sanctified, sho nuff filled with the Holy Ghost, but I was a mess hiding behind the masks that I had picked up over the years. We mirror what we see, not knowing it is killing us. So because of the unresolved issues with my dad I saw my husband as my daddy in some areas and I treated him how I treated my daddy added on top of things we were already dealing with. When God revealed to me of my unforgiveness it was like a light bulb went off in my head. Why didn’t I think of this before now. Though it wasn’t enough to save my marriage it was enough to save me. So I started working on getting myself together and getting healed. I repented and forgave of all. There was such a feeling of freedom and peace that came over me that I had never felt before. When I forgave my daddy not only did it began to heal our relationship, but the relationship of our family and me. It was like a trickle down effect. That unforgiveness held up a lot of areas in my life. Now I do whatever it takes to maintain it. It takes more energy to hold onto negativity than to just let it go. The reward in doing so is life changing. Sometimes it’s not the things that happen to us in life or the people in it that will kill us, but the things that we inhale, digest and allow to sit in our system. If we don’t continually clean out our system over a period of time it will become as a poison that will slowly work its way through our body system. Heaven forbid if it gets in our blood stream that will eventually break down the body system. You can go for years without any symptoms at all until what’s in you begans to manifest on the outside. Be careful of the silent killers: unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, depression, anger, etc. Kill IT before IT kills you.
#CLEANTHISHOUSE